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Lights of Love Baby Remembrance Service
Joanne Lewis • 13 December 2019
Remembering our loved babies at Christmastime
Christmas is such a magical time of year for so many, but equally can bring up so many emotions of loneliness and loss.
I am very fortunate to have made some amazing friendships with other bereaved mums through Sands. Some of them work tirelessly to raise awareness, funds, and put on events so we can have a safe space to remember and honour the babies we birthed but who couldn't stay.
Tonight was one of those events... a Lights of Love service
of gathering, remembering and looking forward. We read poems, sang songs that are special to us - as well as some traditional Christmas Hymns - lit candles, put notes to our loved ones on a tree, ate mince pies and drank tea.
The Reverend Reg Bailey from Holy Trinity Church in Bengeo
gave a beautiful address. His take on our grief and love were both beautiful and poignant. Even though I am not religious, I felt completely at ease in this beautiful setting, and his words really moved me.
I have realised recently, after years of avoiding religious ceremonies (because I felt they were not aimed at me) that actually, the lessons and teachings often apply and are relevant to all aspects of our lives. They seem to come from a place of compassion, understanding, respect and love, which are qualities that sometimes seem sadly lacking in society today.
I hope that if you have lost a baby, but are yet to discover Sands you will consider going to a meeting, event, of seeking out your local groups Facebook page... There is something very isolating about losing a child that only other bereaved parents can ever truly understand.
Jenny Apostolos (Author of local blog Baby Likes Legacy) performed a beautiful rendition of "My love, my life" by ABBA, which I've never heard before but was such a moving song.
The Snowdrop, a poem that was read at our sons funeral, was read at the service which always moves me. In case you haven't heard it, I thought I would share the words with you here:
The Snowdrop (author unknown)
The world may never notice
If a snowdrop doesn't bloom.
Or even pause to wonder
If the petals fall to soon.
But every life that ever was
Or ever came to be.
Touches the world in Some small way
For all eternity.
The little one we longed for
Was swiftly here and gone.
But the love that was then planted
Is a light that still shines on.
And though our arms are empty,
Our hearts know what to do.
For every beating of our hearts
Says that we love you.
"Liberty's Mother" Sophie Daniels, who wrote the song "I can love you from here"
just 11 weeks after losing her daughter in 2011 and has performed it around the country and for Parliament honoured us with her presence and beautiful song which is available to download, with all proceeds going to Tommy's charity.
And after Bhavna Morris (Sands Befriender) read "Lights of Love" I took to the stage to sing "how long will I love you" which again was very emotional as we played it at our sons funeral, but it was very cathartic to get up and sing for him.
And then a poem written by a courageous mother I know, Frankie Brunker, who also wrote "These precious little people"
- a book created in loving memory of all babies gone too soon. which explains to children about losing a brother or sister) Frankie knows from personal experience just how painful it is for a family to have to say goodbye to a precious little one and how difficult it can be to explain what happened to any living children affected. Anyone supporting children affected by the death of a baby can use this book as a way to provide a more positive focus and to help remember these precious little people with love and pride.
Her poem really captured all the emotions that surround Christmas for me...
'Tis the season (F. Brunker)
'Tis the season to be jolly - folk are wishing each other Happy Holidays!
Families everywhere enjoying festive fun
There's plenty of shopping eating, drinking and celebrating to be done.
But what if it doesn't feel like a very merry Christmas and instead you're feeling heavy hearted;
Perhaps you are grief stricken and missing your dear departed?
For some of us December is a month to dread,
We fid ourselves sad and yearning; the thoughts of what could have been sometimes fill our head.
So, what to do? Shut the world away? Refuse to celebrate on Christmas Day?
Is that what our little ones would want? For us to hide and keep others at bay?
The season may have lost some of the holiday cheer you once enjoyed,
We might struggle to see beyond the empty chair.
But close your eyes and feel it:
The love you have inside for those no longer with us is still there.
Let it flow through the veins warm you through and through.
It hurts that our children aren't here growing up with us like we wish they could be.
Its unfair, it's cruel, it's hard to bear, and makes it seem impossible to truly heal.
Yet here we are still standing;
A tribe of hardy souls carrying on despite the pain we feel.
That love we have for them is what gives us strength, keeps us going.
And if you dig deep it can give you more you know.
Those precious memories you cherish can make your heart sing once more,
You can remember the happy times if tears fall too.
That love that shines bright for the within can bring life back to your soul.
For as long as that love live on, our little ones aren't so far away after all.
They can be the diamond glints in the snow; the jingle of the bells ,
the sprinkles of glitter that catch sparkles of light from Christmas trees,
and the warmth from the candles that we burn in their memory
I've been checking out other photographers blogs to keep updated with the industry. Check out Maternity, Newborn and Family photographer
Claire Butler from Ballynahinch, Co.Down.
A picture of Santa and me...
... Buy one, Get one Free*
... a second print using the same photo for free*
... a mounted print of a photo she's created for me*
I couldn't let Black Friday 2020 go by without some amazing deals for my wonderful and valued customers... I've missed you all so much this year, but have loved the few shoots I was able to squeeze in between lockdowns and Home Education. With all the optimism I can muster for next year (I am naturally a pretty positive person) I am offering some spectacular deals on vouchers for my Hertford Studio and outdoor or on-location sessions next year (packages may be given as gifts, but please confirm preferred locations around Hertfordshire and some parts of London, Cambridgeshire and Essex with me before booking).
You will need: an egg box scissors black and white paint paint brush googly eyes glue (hot glue gun ideally) black felt tip pen string or ribbon for hanging
You will need: an egg box scissors white paint paint brush black felt tip pen or sharpie goggly eyes and glue (optional)
You will need: an egg box scissors Orange (or yellow and red) paint paint brush black felt tip pen or sharpie lollypop stick glue green paper/card for leaf
You will need: an egg box scissors black paint paint brush googly eyes glue Red paper/card for bow-tie White paper/card for shirt and teeth
You will need: an egg box scissors green and black paint (or I used a green egg box for the head) paint brush googly eyes glue black paper/card for hat orange paper/card for hair
