18 years on, it's still a bit of blur

As a photographer, nothing moves me more than capturing real emotion and telling a story that people can understand without the need for explanation or words... But I don't think words or pictures can ever truly convey how it feels to lose a child, and how it impacts not just the following days, weeks and months, but everything you do for the rest of your life.

I'm honoured today to share Victorias story. She lost her son 18 years ago (it was his birthday this week, which I know hit her hard as 18 is such a big milestone). I'm not sure that people realise just how these anniversaries hit us hard... Even years and years later.

On the 2nd October 2001 at 9 months pregnant I headed towards QE11 hospital in WGC in labour and excited to meet our first born. Upon arrival at hospital I was pleased to be told I was already 8cms dilated and just needed to have a few checks before getting ready to deliver our baby. After numerous doppler & scans I was told the devastating news that our baby had died.

The next few hours are still, 18 years on, a bit of blur; but our family's arrived and we were given support and re assurance from the midwives at the hospital as to what would happen next. Oliver was born naturally at 20:34 that evening, he was perfect, he weighed a healthy 8lbs 6oz, 51cms long, a head full of dark hair and a perfect button nose.

We spent the night in hospital with Oliver in a cot beside us, he was washed, dressed and we spent lots of time cuddling him and telling him how much we loved him. Our families also got time to hold him, see him and for us to take precious photos and videos of him. Trying to make a lifetime of memories in such a short time is not easy, but we have foot & hand prints and a precious lock of his hair.

The following day we had the heartbreaking task of leaving our baby at the hospital and to return home in a car with an empty car seat in the back and a baby bag of clothes and nappies that we never got to use. Leaving the hospital without our son is one of the most heart breaking things I have ever experienced. To arrive home and see the mosses basket ready by our bed and the drawers full of baby clothes was just so painful. Instead of experiencing the first few days of motherhood I spent my time visiting cemetery's to decide where our son should be buried and visiting funeral directors to arrange the funeral.

Friends and family were incredibly supportive and cards, flowers and letters arrived, which I still have and bring me comfort to read. It was so important that our son was acknowledge by everyone, he did exist and although was stillborn he was still born! We had a post mortem done on Oliver and sadly his cause of death was unexplained which is unfortunately the case for a large number of stillbirths.

After the funeral and in the coming months I turned to Sands for support, their monthly meetings were so very important to me. To be able to talk to other mums and dads about Oliver and to have people who could completely understand how it feels was invaluable. I have made a great deal of good friends over the years through Sands. I continued to attend meeting for a few years, they also offered support when I was pregnant with Maddie as I'm sure you'd appreciate was not the easiest of pregnancies. I am now Treasurer of East Herts Sands and also a befriender; meaning I am now able to give back help & support to a charity who helped me so very much. I will ensure that the money raised will go to helping support families who need this at such a vital time.

Oliver will always be my first born son, I am a mother of 4 although you can only see 3, I carry him in my heart forever.

Would you like to Support Victoria?

To mark Oliver's 18th Birthday, Victoria is doing a skydive for Sands, the stillbirth and neonatal death charity, because she wants to raise vital funds to support parents.

By fundraising in support of the team target you will be directly helping to ensure families can continue to receive our free support materials including Family Support Packs and Memory Boxes within East Herts and across England. You will also be supporting our current network of Sands Groups, including East Herts Sands, ensuring they can continue to provide vital support services including local meetings. You will also be helping to maintain and expand Sands’ extensive bereavement care training programme for health professionals to ensure bereaved families receive the best possible care after their baby has died.

Research is also an incredibly important part of our work and your fundraising will also be helping to fund research to better understand what causes baby deaths and save babies’ lives to ultimately ensure every parent gets to see their baby grow up.

All funds raised on this page will support activities linked to the core charitable aims of Sands. All funds raised will be spent where the

need is greatest, helping Sands to continue to deliver its vital services to support anyone affected by the death of a baby, to improve the bereavement care received by parents and families, and to promote research to save babies' lives. To find out more please visit www.sands.org.uk

Donating through JustGiving is simple, fast and totally secure. Your details are safe with JustGiving - they'll never sell them on or send unwanted emails. Once you donate, they'll send your money directly to the charity. So it's the most efficient way to donate - saving time and cutting costs for the charity. Please donate here: https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/victoria-wheatcroft

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Unbelievable Photography deals Black Friday 2020

by Joanne Lewis • 26 November 2020

I couldn't let Black Friday 2020 go by without some amazing deals for my wonderful and valued customers... I've missed you all so much this year, but have loved the few shoots I was able to squeeze in between lockdowns and Home Education. With all the optimism I can muster for next year (I am naturally a pretty positive person) I am offering some spectacular deals on vouchers for my Hertford Studio and outdoor or on-location sessions next year (packages may be given as gifts, but please confirm preferred locations around Hertfordshire and some parts of London, Cambridgeshire and Essex with me before booking).